The first question I ask each patient is how happy are they on a scale of zero to ten – ten being the happiest. To clarify “being happy” is not the same as not feeling sad, it’s not the same as coping or surviving life. Your first task, ask yourself how happy are you? Then write that number down. Next I ask the question again, except this time I create a visual of what "happy" is, most people at the start are stuck, trapped or even numb and do not really know or have never seen what "happiness", "peace" or "love" is. I ask them to imagine a small child young enough to not be hurt playing in a park, a child around 5-6 years old. Do you know anyone that is happier than a playful child who has never been hurt? If the patient cannot remember their childhood (which is usually the case with trauma), think of a small child in a playground on the edge of a slide, a child playing in the park with little sparkling angel eyes. A child essence, innocence and inherent wisdom is what makes them sparkle. They play "playfully" in the playground without any effort. Playing and laughing is a child’s natural state. Before a child gets expose to any hurt, they do not choose to cover up pain, they’re totally vulnerable, totally open, they’re happy. They’re not thinking about something in the past or the future. They’re not thinking about who hurt them. They are not thinking about being judged for laughing or crying to loud. Their smile is not affected; they are not involved in the deep problems of the world. They are not protecting themselves – because they’ve never been hurt. The child is not thinking about a fear that leads to hurt, to a clean child "fear" is not even experienced as adult fear, and it is quite the opposite. Just like a little bird jumping out of a nest for the first time, or in this case like a small child just about to go down a slide for the first time. The fear is exciting – it says pay attention, things are happening. So before a child gets hurt and protected this "fearful unknown" is actually the "exciting unknown", fear is excitement. The child also communicates and exudes a form of simplicity, clarity or innate wisdom about life. The child is said to have innocence. There’s an inherent wisdom in children, they have not been talked out of their wisdom. That is until enough hurt or trauma activates their survival protections to take over. A clean child, has not been trained to lie, expressing the truth freely and openly, this childhood truth is what we call the wisdom of a child. What would you rather have – wisdom or knowledge? Which one more?
So, now are you able to see and feel that child? I then ask again, how happy they are on a scale of 1-10, except this time we are comparing you to that clean child, with 10 being now the happiest child. In other words, how happy are they compared to a child that has never been hurt? The answers are quite different, what qualities and characteristics of that "clean" child have you lost? How many protections have you picked up, how much trust have you lost. Most of us when we are asked that question for the first time receive the answer from a part of us that evaluates hurt, called the mind. Hence the reflex of the mind does not really know what happy is, to the mind happy is "safe". So the first response to the question of, how happy are you on a scale of one to 10 when happiness has not been defined, is not even about happy, the first answer is more how "not miserable you are". With the help of the small child, this allows a reference point, most of us would agree that there are not too many better examples of what love, happiness looks like than a playful and open child that has never been hurt. Go through the qualities and characteristics of that playful and open small unhurt, unprotected, or "clean child"; the innocence, the excitement, the non-judgment, the ability to be in the present moment, the creativity, freedom, truth and simple wisdom that they have, the sparkling eyes, and the trust, the lack of fear.
To start, go to the mirror, and ask yourself and the child in you, how happy are you? If the answer does not come back with a warm, peaceful and sparkly eyed response, then ask it, what do you need to hear to be happy? That will start the awakening to your new self.
Qualities of a child
- Open
- Playful
- Happy
- Adventurous
- Excited by life
- Easy to forget and forgive
- ager to love
- Non-judgment
- In the moment
- Innate wisdom, connection to truth, they have an innocence
- Open without protection, no walls
- Sparkly eyes, loving
- Fear without being afraid,
- The fear and unknown is exciting
- No guilt, no judgment
- Natural state is happy
- Present, in the now, happy in the moment, focused on the action or event in front of them.
- Trusting - Ability to see good
- Not worried about being judged
- Not focused in the past or future or unknown
- Self-full, self absorbed, creative
- Okay making mistakes, without know they have done anything wrong
- Integrity, show what they feel without delay
- Peaceful
Awakenings cause you to "feel your feelings" again, which then leads to increased awareness. From this awareness you start to have power over your past hurts, fears, protections and conditioning. It is the consecutive rhythm of awakening, awareness, and your abilty to use free will that creates your sustained levels of peace, health and happiness no matter what the outside environment.
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