5. Doc's Three Agreements

"Watch your thoughts because they become your words.

Watch your words because they become your actions.

Watch your actions because they become your habits.

Watch your habits because they become your character.

Watch your character because it becomes your destiny.”

Freeman Hrabowski II

 The way you think effects the way you feel and heal.  

This is now proven scientific fact. We now have biochemical, physiological, and empirical evidence to support this, so when a patient comes to me and says, ‘Brian, do you really think that you can actually help someone live longer? Or better? Or do you really believe that you can change the way a person thinks and feels?’ I tell them, ‘Of course you can!’ It’s not a belief anymore; belief is reserved for religion and when you are not sure. In my clinical practice I have proved this true over and over again. The power inside you to feel good is amazing. Most people never ever use their power to feel good because they are too busy out of reflex trying to avoid feeling bad. Avoiding bad has nothing to do with feeling good. Feeling good means doing the actions that attract and make you feel good, hence making you not feel bad! These are the only really two actions that you have in every situation in every moment in your life: you can either act out of reflex to avoiding something bad (avoiding conflict, rejection, hurt) or you can act out of choice and do something to feel or attract good. 

 

As an awareness exercise, as many times as possible throughout the day ask yourself: Am I doing this action right now to avoid feeling bad? Or am I doing this action because it makes me feel good?’ I’ll give you an example: My wife was considering visiting her parents. However, my wife at that time in her life did not get along with her parents. She felt guilty and obligated to see them because it was around Christmas time. I asked her, ‘Honey, are you going to see your parents because you really really want to and because you’re going to have a great time with them? Or are you going to see them because you don’t want to feel guilty for not seeing them? If the latter is what you are doing then that’s not the reason to see somebody. I don’t want you to come home to me because you feel guilty that you shouldn’t. I’d rather know that you come home to me because you love being here. That’s the difference.’ In this situation she choose not to go and even though she was a sad for a moment she still had more peace and power around it than the conflict and stress of trying to decide and make everyone happy.

Our reactions and our actions to our environment create stress or create happiness. Our bodies will respond to this. People will come to see me and say, ‘If you can just get my body feeling better, then I’ll be happy.’ My response to that is, ‘no we have to do both, you cannot take your head off your body and just treat your body, when we treat both the physical and the emotional as you become happier your body respond even faster.

We now know that only 20-30 percent of our health has to do with genetic, that menas you have up to 80% power over your health, over your life, and over your happiness. You have the power to enjoy a longer health span, to live a longer life, and the best time to make a positive lifestyle change is now. No one is here to take a persons  right to suffer away from them, but ask yourself do you really need more suffering to move and change, what would it take to make the "now" a little bit closer. How much time, health, happiness and peace does anyone really need to lose?

Doc Martins actions - If you remember these three things then you are well on your way to healthy change: 

• Follow your heart – Learn the difference between the part that you think with and the part you feel with, to start ask yourself if you are avoiding pain, or seeking love? The opposite rule also works, in a conflict the opposite of your mind at the beginning will be your heart. The B.I.T. Tool is also useful at his stage
• Life is a gift, yours – you are not broken, you have not been given this amazing gift of life to suffer. Every part of you has been created to help you. Start a graditude journal and list everyday what your are grateful for, this will focus your mind on how to help your heart.
• Pay yourself first - Create a list and vision board of what creates happiness or joy for you, start using and trusting your feelings again, they are a powerful tool especially when combined with the mind. Imagination combined with action creates real miracles.