Core Beliefs, how much is really you?

Core beliefs

Core beliefs include the rules, obligations, principles, and values that govern our behavior. Core beliefs are attached to our survival. They are the rules that give structure to our sense of identity and govern much of our behaviour, with or without our conscious awareness. 

This strong attachment is made through our life experiences as a child. In fact, what we typically refer to as the ego is really how a person's mind is taught to express core beliefs.

Core beliefs are the childhood “goodie bag” that everyone gets, some are positive, while others can be detrimental to a person’s overall health and happiness.

This is how why you may have acquired several core beliefs that currently do not serve you. As children, we did not have the tools or freewill to determine which of these beliefs would be helpful to us in our life journey. As a result, we accepted them all.

As an adult, you gain the gift of free will and choice, and it is perfectly okay to question and decide which rules you want to keep and which ones you want to replace or, in some cases, discard completely.

Your Core beliefs may not be yours.

An often overlooked point about core beliefs is that these internal rules that govern how you currently live, love and operate in the world did not come from you. They were your emotional inheritance paid from your childhood training and experiences. For instance, you may have learned that you should feel guilty for taking care of yourself.

Sandra described a belief she had — the "I have to always be doing something, not allowed to rest" program. When Sandra was growing up, her parents taught her that in order to be valuable she always had to be doing something. She was not praised for her ability to just rest or be peaceful. This conditioning established a 45-year program that never allowed her to relax in peace or to feel okay at rest. It also made any accomplishments seem less than spectacular, and since there was no time to peacefully enjoy them, they never seemed good enough. Today, she is able to recognize the little girl within who learned to judge herself negatively and, through the process of letting in love; she has now given herself permission to rest.

For 20 years, Betty hated going to a job where she was belittled, made to feel small, and told she was never good enough.When I asked her why she stayed in the job so long, she said,” Well, I didn’t want to leave the job without being able to find another, and after being in that environment, my self-esteem became so low that I didn’t think I could get another job”. Of course, this belief only reinforced her negative cycle. When I asked where she had learned not to quit, she replied, “My father said, ‘never quit anything’”. We can see how early learned childhood experiences can affect the present.

Standing up for your beliefs

Of course it is okay to stand up for what you believe in, as long as the beliefs you are defending and sometimes willing to sacrifice time and energy for, are, in fact, yours.

All you need do is to add choice, or the ability to choose. It’s your life. You get to decide which beliefs you want—ones that can make you smile when looking at yourself in a mirror. This is efficient, since by choosing beliefs that you want, you may automatically let go of those you unconsciously or unwillingly learned which do not work for you.

In other words, it is okay to stand up for a certain belief as an adult, even if that belief is one that you were taught as a child — as long as, of course, it does not make you miserable. After all, any set of rules that creates more stress or unhappiness most likely is not yours.

It is your life, so your opinions and choices matter; otherwise your life is not based on free will. In other words, it is okay to stand up for a certain belief as an adult, even if that belief is one that you were taught as a child — as long as you have decided it supports you. 

How much of you is really you?

Most of us underestimate how much of our day to day personality, identity and what we think we are, was decided without our input. If we take the example of a person that avoids or does not like conflict, we could guess that they may have learned this in their childhood by seeing their parents fight destructively or not seeing their parents fight at all. The end result would likely be an adult with a belief system and identity that is not really of their choosing. They would not know how to express themselves fully in a conflict.

Examining and choosing appropriate core beliefs allows you to live your own genuine path rather than automatically supporting or modeling someone else’s life, rules, and beliefs.  

Most of us think "freedom"

How free can you be, if your past hurts and conditioning controls your present day actions, how much of your life is yours and how free can you really be? This truth as painful as it sounds is if your mind is controlling you without your permission than you are very much like a robot. You will be as happy as your mind's rules allow you to.

Most people live and die without ever questioning what and why they believe what they believe. Where did you get your rules of life from and do they in fact serve me now? It is very common for people to say; that's just me, or I am a type A personality, that’s the way I was brought up, I am a control person, or I don't like conflict. No matter what the personality trait we must ask ourselves how much of our identity has been decided by us, how much of what I have been brought up to be is really me? It turns out, not as much as we would like to believe, this may not sound so good at first, but the realization of this fact is the beginning of amazing new levels of power and freedom.

Changing your Core Beliefs

To begin you must have the awareness to know the difference between your mind and your heart, the acceptance that you are more than just reflex and that you are a person of free will.

To start simply begin asking yourself the questions of awareness. Knowing that every action has an intention behind it and knowing that it is either to avoid pain out of reflex or to accept more love out of choice.

We are all connected to a force that guides us to the choices in our lives; this is a working relationship where even though the inspiration and opportunities may come from within you, the choice to accept what to do is uniquely yours, it's your life and your gift.

Whenever you are in a conflicted or uncomfortable situation, ask yourself the following

·         Am I doing this to avoid pain or to seek love?

·         What do I really want?

·         How do I feel, happy or sad?

·         Does this personality trait serve me,

·         Does it create happiness?

·         Is this something that I would choose?

·         What would I gain by updating it?

·         Do I want to change it?

A powerful visual and awareness exercise is the Balanced Balance Wheel (aka the happiness wheel) contains different aspects of a persons life (relationship, spiritual, health, fun, family, home, career, financial) and then have the person go through each section and ask the questions - what are my beliefs around this, where did I get those, do they serve me, do they create happiness, does if cause me more pain, would I choose that rule, would you teach a child the same? This can help sort out which belief you want to evolve and can start to remove the obstruction that block so many of us from our purpose.

3. The Minds Survival Reflex

In this context the survival reflex is an automatic protective response contained in everyone that is triggered in childhood by any perceived danger and associated with a core hurt. Another name for this is the ego. Humans along with every living creature that has ever lived have one thing in common, the genetic reflex or protection to survive.

This survival reflex as the name implies is fast, automatic, universal to all living creatures and is there to protect us when we are not able to protect ourselves. This survival reflex is our autopilot and our life preserver. The “life preserver” role is simple, to preserve life, yours. Its mode of action is also simple, move away physically and emotionally as fast as possible from any perceived danger. This reflex is not focused on "winning" or the "best or most loving" action, it is setup to be focused on "not losing" or "not dying", which means it evaluates, compares and in a choice between two separate actions will picks the one that harms you the least.

The survival reflex is strong and begins to form even while in the womb, we know that even during fetal development the mother’s reaction to stress is communicated to fetus through circulating stress hormones. In other words the growing fetus experiences the stresses of the mother. Understanding that the body does not do anything without purpose and the primary purpose being survival the need for this is to prime the baby for the environment that it will be born into. This could help explain why we see children that are more “sensitive” to conflict or stress.

The body and mind have an innate wisdom and intelligence, the smallest actions have purpose. At the start of life that purpose is simple, keep the body alive under any circumstance, protect survival. In the event of continual triggering (lots of hurt) the survival reflex ends up creating even deeper protective behaviors or habits. Example of this is child abuse, sexual abuse. To a child especially this is a massive amount of trauma, sadness, unknown, powerlessness and confusion to process, the fast efficient survival reflex takes over and diverts and shuts down any pain and hurt away from the child. This is great in the moment but if left unchecked in adulthood leads to deeper problems related to feeling safe, self esteem and the ability to trust and love.

This survival reflex is meant to be used for a short time only, and only under extreme emergencies. A reflex without guidance or choice creates a prison of thought and action. A protective reflex is great when you’re a child without any real power, freedom or choice but not so good when you are an adult. For example a reflex to kill is great in war time, but not so good in peace time; a person trained by their environment to be a soldier can be left totally unequipped to be "peaceful in peace" and even innocent actions can be interptrted as threats.

The thriving reflex

Most of us have a well tuned survival reflex but a untuned thriving reflex. The making of a thriving reflex comes from using all of your information from your heart (feelings) and your mind (thinking) and then actively choosing with the gift and power of free will. This process starts and repeats itself as ; first awakening, then creating awarness, followed by action and then feeling more alive.

1. Awaken
2. Awarness
3. Action, acceptance, choice
4. Alive and more awakened

3. The Evolution of the word EGO, its time to add a little love.

There is no such thing as the ego, at least not how we have come to know it. The term ego was classically used to describe the part of a person that experiences and reacts to the outside world to ensure survival. In other words their minds, experience trained survival reflex. The term ego helped with labelling a person with a mental disease, in the beginning of understanding how and why people behave it was assumed to be important to label the part of us that seem to cause or be related to a person unhappiness, commonly still called a condition or disease. It seemed that this part contained within us had the ability to block or protect us from being happy, open and the best we could be. This was the birth of the term ego. Ego was meant to describe the core beliefs gone wrong, your survival reflex attacking itself, your mind attacking your heart, or the piece that seems to act detrimentally without needing your permission. The ego is the part of us that is programmed for survival set in play by the person experiences.

One of the main problems with ego is the way it is viewed. When you hear the word ego, do you think of a positive, neutral or potential negative quality or part of us? When you use the word "ego" do you take the word in a good context, a positive context, a loving context? Do you see the ego as a beautiful powerful tool here to help us, or this thing that within us that needs to be watched out for? Far too often the ego is thought to be a part of us that controls us instead of an amazing gift that we have at our disposal that we aim and lead. Its unfortunate the word ego and having an ego has become associated to be mostly a negative thing. The term ego has become this scary dark part that we have to protect from, watch out for and even block out. How many times have you heard someone say, hey that person is in his ego and not meant it as a compliment?

Have you been created with a piece of you that is negative?
Most of us have been taught that the ego is something detrimental. Does it really make sense that you would be born with a part of you aimed to hurt you or sabotage you? The main problem with the term ego is the way the word has been used, it implies a judgment. How can we fully love ourselves if we assume some part of us is "bad" or "can hurt us" in some way? Whenever we judge something as good or bad, it makes it almost impossible to love it.  If I judge a piece of myself as bad, then I have made it difficult for me to fully love all parts of myself.  I am going to be walking on eggshells in my own head, telling myself to be very quiet, the 'egos' sleeping – we don't want to wake it up. I mean how can you really love yourself if you automatically think that a part of you is "bad or negative" in some way.

The problems with concept of the Ego

• It attaches a negative association to a part of us
• It gives power to the word not the person
• Does not give any power of choice to change or teach
• It is a label used the same as a disease

The ego is just the mind
I think it's about time we start reassessing the word and the function of this part used to describe a persons behavior. Let's assume for a second there is no such thing as the ego, at least not the way it has come to be known. There is no doubt the existence of a piece of us that has a powerful effect on our behavior but rather than label it attached to a potentially judgmental meaning, lets update the word to see it for what it really is. The ego is the thinking computer like part of us that stores memories, and operates the reflex to survive until you take over and aim it. In other words, the ego is just the mind, not the person. The simple term "mind" instead of ego allows one understand that this is a neutral piece of us, not to be feared but to be understood and taught, the mind works for us.

You are not your mind
You should be beginning to understand that your ego or mind is not you. You are not your mind. Your mind is the fast computer part of you responsible for your survival. The mind is the part that kept you safe and protected until you could take over. Your mind has been so much a part of you for so long that it is common to believe you and the mind are the same.  

Your mind works for you.
Does it make more sense that you would be born with parts of you aimed to help or hurt you? Why would we be born with this thing that hurts us that we have to watch out for or shut off? We would not. We all have amazing tools and gifts that first have to be accepted. With the gift of free will, you can choose to believe that every part of us is here to help create happiness. It is your mind (previously termed the ego), it works for you, you don't work for it.

You can decide how to view it and use it.

Is your mind here to hurt you or serve you; is it your enemy or friend? With your free will, choose to see your mind as a gift; with this choice you not only create a powerful friend that has already proved its loyalty, but also a more peace state to create in. Your mind needs you to teach it, your mind needs you to show it wisdom and love, your mind needs a job and a project, make that project your happiness. When you accept that your mind is a powerful friend that needs your help and direction, peace replace conflict.

Training the Mind
Your many names for mind; ego, computer, survival reflex, and trained starting program, that you did not personally program, can be reprogrammed starting with your free will. Remember the mind is operating on a reflex that you did not program. In other words even your core beliefs may not always be yours. How much freedom and power can one really have if any you are controlled by reflex or a program that you did not create? With your gift of free you can update your mind with your new goals, your new beliefs and your new personal program. Conflict for instance, is what you feel when you are in a battle between what your mind is thinking and what you are feeling, these are perfect opportunities to use your free will to choose your heart which automatically shows and teaches your mind. This is your life and your gift, its time you start programming your minds speedy reflex to work where you aim it.

You and your mind have to be introduced
Your mind is your survival reflex that does not even know you even exist.  The mind is always doing the best job it can to survive, but it is on autopilot, that is until, you the pilot takes over. Now, just like a pilot may know the autopilot exists, the autopilot doesn't know that the pilot exists. So just because I know that my ego or mind exists, my ego or mind doesn't know I exist.  I have to introduce myself.  We had to get to know each other; a mind is there for the purpose that I choose. The simplest way introduce your mind to you is through the action of gratitude.

Love your mind
Waiting for your mind to tell you that the coast is clear is not the same as you telling your mind that the coast is clear. You have to commnicate with your mind, your voice is the only one that your mind will listen above all others. We need to spend the time nurturing and teaching our mind through the repeated actions of following our hearts. The mind is built to watch and learn and your heart is built to love. As you continually follow your heart, your mind will learn, adapt and assist in attracting happiness while peacefully moving you through any unknowns.

Those that have come to live in a consistent increasing state of gratitude have a working relationship with their mind, heart and body, they have not separated them or shut them off. With the mind they have trained it, encouraged it and loved it. They have trained and taught the mind to focus on love, peace, joy and gratitude. In other words they have trained the mind to serve the heart. They use their mind as a gift; their mind does not use them.

5. Learning Efficient Happiness

Efficient Happiness

Is a method of guidance that teaches people how to be happy, it’s a simple concept but one that is missed in almost every person. Happy people tend to be less depressed, how many happy depressed people do you know? Not many, so when someone comes in with a diagnosis of depression, that terminology is quickly re-labeled to “not happy”, this terminolgy gives power back and allows you to take action. It is only after that can we see the person as an open slate ready to learn. Just to clarify, there are many life lessons that teach us to close off emotionally, not to trust, and to overprotect ourselves, all of these are attempts to avoid pain, however avoiding pain is not the same as creating and being happy. Most people have just never been taught how to be happy, have you been taught? When we are growing up, there are no classes that teach us how to use our hurts to create peace, or ask for extra love when we are going through pain, there is no training in emotional and spiritual awareness, there are no classes in how to use our free will and how to feel or how to be in the moment.

There is an Indian Belief that everyone is in a house of four rooms:

A physical, a mental, an emotional and a spiritual

Most of us tend to live in one room most of the time, but unless we go into every room everyday, even if only to keep it aired, we are not complete.

-Rumer Godden (House of Four Rooms)

Efficient Happiness Training

To begin efficient happiness training you must first understand the gifts and tools that you have been born with. First you have an amazing self-healing body capable of carrying you through all your life, next you have a creative part of you that exists in the present moment that you feel with (heart), then you have a part of you that calculates, plans and thinks (mind) and then you have, “you” (soul or witness), the driver of your life that gets to pick and choose how to work and merge all of these parts together. Most people are unaware of the simplest truths that we have these unique and amazing parts given to help us create an amazing life. In relationship to the mind and heart, many people don't realize that these two are distinctly different. Now it must be stated that I am not dividing these to separate them, but rather to allow a wonderful contrast so one can see how to merge and use them together. This would be the same an artist learning the difference between the canvas of the mind and the paint of the heart. The mind and heart, along with your body and soul are all meant to communicate, be friends and work together. One confusion for people is that they have been brought up to assume there is only thing inside of us that just talks alot, instead of recognizing that there are two distinct and unique voices.  The mind for instance has all the characteristics and qualities of a computer, it is fast, stores information, attaches and associates for speed, plans, calculates, and judges threats to assist in your survival and avoid pain. The heart is the opposite it is the creative feeling part of you with all of the characteristics and qualities connected to a sparkly eyed child that has never been hurt and is seeking love in a constistant open state of gratitude. If we used the word god, your heart would be your doorway or connection to god, truth and wisdom.

Are you aware of the these distinct parts of you or do you believe that they were all just one? Do you know the differences between the part that you think with called your mind, and the part that you feel with called your heart? Which is your dominate state, which one is the boss, in other words are you more of a avoid-a-painer or a seek-a-lover? Which one do you believe guides you towards happiness, your head or your heart?

Next, consider accepting these certain simple truths:

• That we are all born clean and good, in other words that you are not broken built to suffer
• That no part of you has be created with the intention to hurt you or cause you to suffer, every part of you is here to help create happiness.
• That force of love is stronger than fear or hate, the world is evolving everyday.
• That we are all connected and part of this force.
• That life is a gift.
• It is okay to be happy
• That your heart is your connection to your feelings and what is true for you.
• That you are not your mind, you have a mind to serve you.
• That your mind looks to you for guidance.
• That you are born with free will.

Gaining Happiness
Most people at the start live their lives in a fairly automatic survival mode, waiting for life to start and reacting to every life situation as it comes up. The main growth, learning and change happens through life experience, painful and happy. This living style is what most people do; it is a survival program that does not use the fullest potential of the person’s gifts and tools and free will. The person is bound repeating patterns that were taught to them. This is painfully scenic way of changing and evolving and because the person is not really steering their own life, emotional and spiritual movement is gained more through lost time and suffering. Again this style still works; it is just not very efficient or as fun.  A person in this mode can still experience great moments of happiness and still evolve, it is just simply a life filled with more time surviving than thriving, and it is not as purposeful. This person can be happy they are just not as happy as they deserve to be. Its like old technology that needs to be updated.

Practicing Efficient Happiness

Efficient happiness is the understanding, attention and practice of the art of being happy through the use and merging of all your tools and gifts. It is living in a consistently increasing state of gratitude. It is the enlightenment that is attainable by all.

You can practice Efficient Happiness by using your tools and aiming them to any one or combinations of the following;

• Emulating others that are happy. If you decide to use this method remember do not take guidance from people more miserable than you. This only shows you what not to do; it does have some value but is quite different than knowing what to do.
• Actively involving or inducing yourself into specific circumstances that provoke and trigger you to feel and then choose. This can be a little scary at first, since you are actually using in some cases your fear to move you. This is excellent for triggering up past hurts that can become clean. Hang in there, after the fear and sadness, comes more love, gratitude and peace. This method is best to do in a relationship or with a close person.
• Directing, focusing and drawing attention to your mind through imagination on how to react before you are in a situation, in other words giving your mind the most loving answer before it asks what to do. This is very similar to a mantra or positive affirmations with the added benefit of attaching the feeling to the focus, in other words it is a confirmation. It is done the same way a child uses imagination, it has the excitement sensation as they bring the future to them without leaving the present moment. This is very powerful at re-attaching, re-associating and reprogramming your mind to be in the present moment and actually serve you.